Sketchbook of a Creative Life

138 & 139

2011-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

Two more creatures from my daily book. Te titles are taken from the pages of the old ledger I use as a sketchbook. I wish I could find a pile of these ledgers! Mine has wonderful smooth yet absorbent paper that easily accepts water-based media - which I found surprising.

I paste the torn paper onto the page first, then work into it with ink, gouache and water-color. These little monsters - and sometimes not so little depending on the size of the paper - appear in my work all the time. When I paste the paper on the page I have no idea what image(s) will appear.

2010-12-23T06:31:00.000-08:00

Bizanthina
ink, watercolor, collaged paper
mounted on cardboard
4x6 inches

I continue working with ink, watercolor and gouache, either in my daily book or on pieces of paper. I particularly like old paper. The "tooth" or feel and surface of the paper is just right and often accepts water-based media well.

I play and experiment more using these tools. Lines and color flow. Images appear without thinking.

Images from a Daily Sketchbook_10.31.10

2010-10-31T09:23:00.000-07:00

After taking Experimental Drawing last year with Bob Siegelman I finally fell in love with keeping a daily sketchbook. I say finally because I'd known for years it was important to make a mark every day but intellectual knowing wasn't enough. The freedom to draw I experienced in Bob's class, and the connections I made with other artists, made it happen.

Now mark making is my daily connection to the creative process, and though it's usually drawing with ink, pencil, guache and watercolor this mark-making feeds all my creative work.

What's "New"

2010-10-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

I used to think that whenever I left a job (which I just did), started a new relationship or did anything that shook my routine that I was somehow starting a new chapter in my life, or following a new path but I don't think that's true anymore. I think Life is full of turning points and we uncover parts of ourselves, or things are revealed to us, and that implies everything we need to know is there just waiting for us to wake the hell up!

landscape of my mother's memory
30x20 inches - oil on board

At first it was exciting to be always doing something "new" until I realized it was often the same thing I always did. Not that moving and changing weren't powerful experiences, they certainly were empowering to a young woman from a working class background with parents who praised my talents but could never quite encourage me to explore them. Mostly they couldn't disentangle their own thwarted ambitions from my dreams. It was difficult for them to see me as a separate person, rather than someone who would (secretly) fulfill their dreams. In their heart of hearts, they couldn't get beyond the fear that I might actually fulfill, even surpass, them. They gave with one hand while taking away with the other. It took a long time for me to understand that and begin forgiving them.

Draw without thinking

2010-09-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Do the following in a random fashion. Do not try to choose the "right" paper or the "right" drawing implement. Use whatever mark making materials are in front of you as well as whatever paper is near at hand.

Gather at least a dozen (or more) sheets of paper.
Other items to have close by: glue, ripped colored paper and ripped magazine pages already torn out of the magazine to use as collage elements.

Lay out the dozen or more sheets of paper in front of you, then:

glue a collage element on each sheet of paper - do not think about where to put it, just place it
make a mark on each sheet
glue another collage element on each sheet
repeat until you feel like stopping

Put the pile away and pull it out later and work back into the drawings.

If you have a hard time "not thinking" focus your attention on what your body, or parts of your body, are doing, such as: "my hand is moving," "my eyes are looking" repeat these phrases. The monotony will lull your mind to stop thinking and you can keep making art.

Incorporate "not thinking" into your daily art routine.

into the wild blue

2010-09-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

no human or divine law(1)...

I gave notice at work last week - stepping into that unknown place again though I believe we are always walking in the unknown, we just think we know where we're going, or think we're secure because we have a job, insurance, a routine. It isn't that these things aren't good and helpful but too often we believe they are reality.

Reality is under the surface, beyond the horizon, in the invisible but tactile air enveloping us, in all the things we almost never pay attention to and so are unaware of: bird song, the ever-changing sky, plants, trees, the sounds of insects, and most importantly our place in this amazing web!

no human or divine law(2)...

I am reading The Spell of the Sensuous by David Abram. It articulates all I have intrinsically understood about our spiritual, emotional, sensual life - and how western civilizations, with their focus on exploitation and short-term gain (read amassing wealth), are inexorably strangling this gorgeous sensuous world - the only home we have in this vast universe. There may be other worlds but this is ours.

As a child, when I heard the story of the Expulsion from the Garden of Eden, I always thought, But we live in Paradise! Why don't people see that?

Why don't we?

2010-06-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

I love making visual art but writing touches some deeper place. And I can't give up either one - they feed one other - both need to be practiced for the other to flourish. The art has become more abstract and the writing, especially the poetry, finally has a voice - and always with both, the desire to be spare and direct.

The image at right: graphic elements randomly placed on the page and then mark making without thinking - the impulse to be responsive and immediate, true and direct.

after we parted

2010-06-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

after we parted

after we parted and got into separate cars

I meant to follow you to the highway

and turn left, heading east

while you turned right, heading west and north

but when you pulled away

I got out of my car

went back to the hotel

and asked the bland blonde behind the front desk

a question I already knew the answer to

then went outside

there was a lake in front of me

and a meager lawn on my right

where a mother chased a toddler

and a grandfather sat facing them

his arms wide open

I walked toward the lake

overtaking a goose and her gander

stepping onto the dock

I imagined I walked on water

while beside me

first the gander, then the goose

sank down at the water's edge

as if kneeling

and slipped into grace

teaching & making art

2010-04-28T18:20:00.001-07:00

I had a wonderful experience today. I taught infant massage to a group of new moms, and I was struck with the same feeling of engagement and pleasure that I have when I create visual art or write. I lost myself in what I was doing. I was present and focused.

Now I've taught/mentored before and have enjoyed it, but I believe this new feeling comes from a process I've been engaged in for the last few years. I've always wanted my life to be seamless. I don't want separations between "work" and "fun" or between "work" and "Art." My meditation practice has helped me observe my life, my actions and my thoughts and over time, to see how things are - or can be - when 1) I do work I love and 2) when I am present with the work I'm doing, whether I love it or not. When I started my present job, I never thought I could work full time, but after a lot of emotional kicking and screaming, I realized I had to be there, so I've made it a point of practice to be there. And that, as Robert Frost once said, has made all the difference.

Every Day

2010-04-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

When I had to take a 9-5 job almost 2 years ago I left a lifestyle that had allowed me to be in my studio 3-4 hours a day. I had to come to terms with all my ideas about what it meant to be a real artist: "Real artists are in their studios 24/7 etc." But I was already thinking a great deal about creativity, and all the ways it can manifest (and creativity isn't just found in the arts, though I think involvement in some art form is extremely beneficial to everyone). I had read Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit and her advice - similar to Woody Alan's - to just show up - every day.

Last fall, a teacher at Mass Art, Bob Siegelman, said the same thing in more detail. (His advice was for visual artists but you can extrapolate if that's not your mode of expression). Just show up and make a mark. Even if all you do is walk to that sketchpad and make one mark, that's fine. Because all the marks - or notes, or whatever - add up. And the consistency - the effort over time - is what ultimately what makes the difference and what leads to a new song, painting, dance etc.

A Twitter is a business card... kind of

2010-04-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Being creative and coming to terms with how information, images and ideas are shared in a virtual world is a tricky concept for an over-50 year old to grasp. Even my sons, 21 & 25 struggle to keep up with all the new sites that offer new ways to connect and communicate. They can't really - no one can, but I think it comes down to 2 things.

The first is understanding that these are tools for communication - like business cards, flyers and brochures were (and those are still out there! :) and two, you have to find the most comfortable modes of communication for you - and be willing to try them and even let go of old forms for a while. It's very hard for me to let go of actual writing. I love the act of writing - of forming words on a page - I think it's important to do and won't ever totally abandon it but if I want to move in to the mainstream I have to give up some of the time I spent writing with pen and paper or my ideas, thoughts and images won't get out there. And "there" is where I want them to be!

How do breakthroughs happen?

2010-04-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

I believe it's working without judgement. Trusting process. Being willing to push. Willing to sit with ugly. Embracing ugly. Not worrying whether what one is doing now can be done "again." To be willing, simply willing to face the blank paper or canvas and work. So much - maybe everything - is about trust - and in being with the thing(s) you fear. "I'm not good enough." "This won't work." "S/he said do it this way." "S/he said people say black makes any painting look good (so if I use black mine isn't)." And I almost listened to that last one once but I was in a pushing space. I remembered that admonition but went ahead and did what my hand wanted to do. And that changed everything. A painting I'd struggled with for weeks - a painting that had been through so many incarnations - in minutes went from diffuse, unfocused to "finished." And I knew it was done. It was exactly right. And it might have gone in exactly the other direction. That black might have ruined everything. But I had a glimmer of understanding. I was holding on to the merest thread of trust. And it paid off. And each time we do that, we strengthen our creative self-knowing. No one can say how this process works. They can only guide and suggest and that guiding is such a delicate and nuanced art, so dependent on the self-knowledge and restraint of the guide.

2010-03-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

Of course as soon as I created this blog I stopped writing in my art journal - or I have a notebook in my purse, not my computer, and jot thoughts and images there and don't think to translate them here.

I entered 3 pieces in the Grafton Arts and Music Festival in Grafton, MA and one of my pieces won 2nd prize in the mixed media category. When I dropped my pieces on Wednesday I was aware how graphic and almost obscene my work seemed in comparison to other pieces being dropped off. This is a small town event, with watercolor florals and many paintings and drawings of pets - a rather bewildering pet image won first prize in the painting category. If I my Grafton friends weren't expecting me to submit I might have slipped away before registering, but I didn't. This is the piece that won: Joyful Mother of Children, 12x10 inches, pencil, ink and collage elements on paper pasted on board.

2010-02-18T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have not been in my studio for almost a week though I draw in my artist book every day - even if it's literally just one mark, though I usually manage to do more than that. So much change in the last 2 years, especially in my work life. I went from a freelance life as a writer/editor/producer to a 9-5 administrative position. A huge adjustment. It greatly affected my creative life so that now instead of several hours a day in my studio I sometimes only manage 5 minutes in my sketchbook. This change caused me to wonder if I was still an artist, or if I even wanted to work creatively anymore (sometimes I still wonder about that), but I think the latter has more to do with despair than desire.

What I'd like to do with this blog is use it as my artist journal - I've written so many interesting thoughts and ideas in my journals and would like to move to this medium. Though I love the handwritten word. There is something about writing words with a pen - the trailing black lines that resolve into shapes that have meaning. Such an amazing transformation!